Life is changing…

Monthly Archives: August 2013

Irony. It happens.

This morning I started to write a post about how my baby is glued to me. She demands to be nursing or held all hours of the day, and has reached the point of sleeping with me as she wakes up and cries the second I place her in her own bed (ridiculously light sleeper or she has a sixth sense that tells her she’s in bed alone). After attempting to carefully transfer her slumbering form in a number of scenarios and failing for five hours straight I said the hell with it and put her in bed next to me. She cries if I’m not carrying her around or simply snuggling her when sitting. While feeling loved and needed is incredibly uplifting, I was becoming frustrated with my inability to accomplish any household tasks, even ones I don’t really want to do but that are sitting on my to-do list causing unnecessary anxiety.

Eric and I went to a baseball game this evening and were gone for six hours while Eric’s mom watched her. We prepared for the worst and gave her enough milk for several meals as she’s been demanding to be fed more frequently (like almost hourly) and I gave her some reflux medicine also as we were sure she was going to be a handful and Eric’s mom would need everything we had to help her get through the evening.

I of course was a sad wreck, thinking about my little bundle, hoping she was OK, missing the downy soft hair on her precious little head that I love to soothe. I managed not to lose it, but only barely. Throughout the game I reminded Eric a gazillion times that I missed my baby.

But Aria…she was just fine, sleeping the majority of the time and taking a bottle with no qualms (we’d only tried it out on her once, so I was a little concerned). And she only ate once and was able to be put into a bassinet to sleep for awhile.

Of course.

I did manage to have a good time, and it was nice that we were invited (for free!) and had our first date since Aria was born. It just was hard.

But apparently only on me.


(A picture texted to me to show she was fine.. Also that she will take a pacifier from anyone but me)


I’m deeply sorry, Aria. I know someday this will be terribly embarrassing, but I think it is the greatest contributor to my falling in love with you.

When it is time to nurse, she gets so excited. She’ll roll her eyes a little, smile some, sometimes lick her lips, and open her mouth real big when she sees where she’s headed. Sometimes she looks up at me and just has this ecstatic look in her eyes, especially after trying via screams to tell me that, ‘no, I don’t want to play or be changed or to go to bed, I’m just hungry, dammit,’ that says ‘yes, thank you, finally!’

Then she watches me. She lays there and we look into each other’s eyes and it’s just so sweet. She also does her little hand dance. Where will they end up? No one knows! But why does she persist in pinching her own cheeks? It can’t feel nice.

I’m sad that it seems she’s the most adorable at dinner time and no one sees it but me. And I’m not about to post pics or videos.

And she’s always in the best mood after. I can do just about anything with her on a freshly full tummy. I love to wipe her face off and listen to her blow raspberries into the cloth.

Babies are gross. Stuff’s always leaking out of somewhere, and they have no shame in how loud their farts are. And they’re actually expected to make audible burps at the end of each meal – no wonder its hard to train etiquette later.

But they’re so forgivable…

So it’s mostly true what they say about not being grossed out by your own baby. All of a sudden poop isn’t so gross, and I suppose is instead a thing to be celebrated. Actually, Aria’s poop smells sweet.. No not like roses.. like buttermilk or something. That’s not the adoring mother claiming a perfect child speaking, it’s actually a noted attribute of breastfed babies: baby poop

Do you have any idea how many websites there are dedicated to baby poop?

So yeah, her poop doesn’t gross me out, except when I’m swapping out diapers with her feet held up and she projectile poops onto everything. That’s kinda gross.

I’ve also been peed on in a similar manner, but realize I can’t complain as it’s rare and nothing compared to boy babies.

She also likes to pull away mid-nursing and spew/fling milk slobber everywhere. It’s messy, but doesn’t gross me out.

And of course her spit-ups, which never seem to happen when I’m actually burping her and am prepared with a cloth. Rather, one time she did do it when I was prepared but she had managed to wiggle herself all the way across my chest and spat up over my arm and onto the bed sheets below. That was pleasant.

Lastly, other, less expected juices. Like from the belly button. Oh and even her boogers don’t gross me out.

Something is wrong with me.

I thought it was supposed to be impossible to spoil a newborn… Somehow I’ve managed to…

So the nightly routine that begins at 10 takes typically two hours. It begins with nursing, then she falls asleep and I carefully transfer her to the bassinet. Ten minutes later she wakes up and starts crying. I try rocking her, singing to her, cuddling her, changing her diaper.. The only thing that gets her to stop crying is to nurse again. And again I wait until she’s completely out and try transferring her again. And usually the second time is even less successful than the first because she’s distrustful so she wakes up and cries almost instantly when she hits the pad in the bassinet.

The third time she falls asleep nursing I give up and put her in bed with me. And when she wakes up she throws her arm onto me and goes right back to sleep.

I’ve created a cuddle monster who will only sleep in bed with me. This becomes rather difficult because I’m afraid of squishing her, so I don’t sleep the most comfortably or soundly. And I don’t want her to fall out so I sleep pretty much in the center of the bed and she gets my side, which Eric hasn’t yet complained about, probably because it’s better to sleep crammed together than to not sleep at all.

She’s in a much better mood when I let her sleep with me. In the middle of the night and in the morning somehow we wake up sweeter and more understanding of getting ready to nurse than when she’s in her bed, as that just becomes a sad scream-fest.

I know its not the safest, but I really don’t know what to do. She’s so happy next to me, and so miserable in the bassinet. Even swaddled, or unswaddled, with or without a pacifier… Nothing matters. She doesn’t care a lick what she has on, what position she’s in, etc if she’s in bed next to me. As long as she opens her eyes and sees she’s here she’s content.

It’s touching, really. Makes me feel special…. Which mostly counters the feelings of a mother who is a failure at getting my baby to bed.

Eric decided to try out our new baby carrier the other day, mainly to give me some time to do things I wanted to do that required two hands and attention to detail.

So we figured out how to strap her in and he went off and did his thing and I mine.

We’d heard wonderful things about these carriers, that they are supper supportive and comfortable, and best of all allow you to snuggle baby while having your hands free. I can’t wait to try it out but have to wait until my incision is fully healed as the hip strap sits right on it.

Anyway, here’s a video I took. Eric had her for awhile but for a good portion she had the hiccups. It was so cute to see her little head bob every time she hiccuped, and you can kinda hear her little noises. At this point Eric had stopped to play games on his phone, which is the other noises you hear.

DaddyErgo DaddyErgo2

My baby loves her hands. And has since day one.

Whether it’s putting them in her mouth or just plastering one or both to the side of her face, she loves to have them nearby. Probably the first words she’ll learn will be “get your fingers out of your eye” as I’m constantly removing them while nursing.

In fact, Eric was determined to swaddle her with her hands at her sides but every time she managed to have her hands free before he could finish. So we gave up.

She learned pretty quickly how to use those hands to hold a pacifier to her mouth… And also to chuck it when it wasn’t what she wanted. I think she may have figured out the pacifier is just that, and it no longer appeases. For a short while it did the trick, even if we received pouty, tear beaded eyes and pitiful, angry whimpers while she madly sucked. It was cute and heartbreaking at the same time.

Its been hard keeping her nails filed down some so she doesn’t scratch her face so much, and man are those things sharp when she decides to pet my neck.

She also likes to hold hands while nursing. They say a baby’s grasp is strong enough to hold her up if one were to try dangling her from her clenched fist. I’m not going to try it.

I must agree with her…she does have cute little hands. I may be as taken with them as she is.. Or close, anyway.


Get with it, mommy.

Clearly I have a lot to learn about babies. My mom kept saying, “get on a schedule, get on a schedule,” and I hesitated, procrastinated, even had analysis paralysis from trying to evaluate her feeding time data.

So Aria took matters into her own hands, and at least at night we have a routine. We can be happily playing but at 10:00 the waterworks start. Even if she just ate 45 min before, 10 means feed me and put me to bed!

And happily most nights she sleeps for roughly 3-4 hours between meals, wakes me up, eats and goes back to sleep. We’ve had some rough nights, but that’s usually because mommy falls asleep while nursing and throws everything out of whack… Like only nursing on one side so we get hungry again sooner, or doesn’t wake up to put Aria back to bed until its practically the next meal time.

During the day is an entirely different matter. I’m not a routine person, and in fact have thrived on change and throwing schedules to the wind. I make sure I don’t do everything in the same order in the mornings, just to keep it fresh. Maybe today I’ll go to bed now and shower in the morning! I know.. it’s dangerous living. But it’s what’s made me happy for several years, and one of the reasons I love traveling.. Just keeping things different.

And now, Aria. Who is determined to break me. So for the moment our nights have been hashed out, but during the day we eat when the baby gets hungry, which sets the time table for everything else going on. Which, I will admit, is hard. Today, for example, I fed her in preparation for going out, but afterwards we took too long to get ready, so had to wait until she was done again later before we could go.

So we may not be the most organized  of parents..but Aria’s helping us through it.