I irritate my toddler when I:

  • Try to help her pull on her pants
  • Try to put a hairband or clip in her hair when she’s decided that today she will not wear anything in her hair, but would prefer to constantly brush it out of her eyes with the back of her hand
  • Give her hugs when she is trying to play
  • Don’t know which type of food she is referring to when she says, “cheese” and she is so clearly pointing at something in the wall of fridge, obviously right there.. no there.. no no, over there..
  • Don’t remember which game we are supposed to be playing when she grabs my hands and looks at me all excitedly and expectantly
  • Don’t draw the correct shape when we are coloring, or I don’t draw it in the correct spot
  • Try to read one of the multitude of books that she brought to me but for some reason has since decided that no, not that book tonight, why would we want to read that one
  • Try to give her kisses when she is trying to play
  • Tell her she can’t do any number of things she is trying to do that would probably kill her or at least seriously injure her
  • Try to brush her teeth when she’s still trying to brush them herself or is just chewing on the toothbrush
  • Don’t squirt her with the correct bath toy
  • Squirt her with a bath toy she just handed me
  • Try to help her get the last bits of food out of her bowl with her spoon that she can’t seem to get herself.. but would rather try to get herself
  • Take away a package of wipes or tissues that she was going to disassemble
  • Don’t leave fast enough after she figures out we’re going “bye bye”, which is anytime we put socks then shoes on
  • Try to make her eat the very last bite of food on her plate
  • Attempt to eat that very last bite of food on her plate myself
  • Try again to make her eat that very last bite of food on her plate
  • Won’t let her have something sweet that she spotted and reeeaaallly wants
  • Won’t let her turn the knobs on the tub so that she can make her water ice cold or scalding hot
  • Get tired of falling down at the end of Ring Around The Rosie and don’t want to play anymore
  • Don’t want her to pull up my shirt to see the “baby”
  • Wear a hairband in my own hair, when she’s decided that neither she nor I will have anything in our hair today (mine gets ripped out when I get down to her level.. very unpleasant)
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