Eric keeps waking up and reassuring me that I’ll be ok, it will all be fine, etc. as he keeps finding me laying here staring at the ceiling.
My last day being pregnant. The last time I’ll experience another person living inside me, moving around.. tomorrow I’ll have a newborn to look after…my last night of unbroken sleep…if I could sleep… what in the world are we doing?
Eric seems ready, he’s not freaked out by our family growing by one, or it hasn’t fully sunk in yet.
I keep reliving the spinal being put into my back, and being stretched out while they cut me open. I’m so not ready for this.
It’s funny because so many people wished me well with, “she’ll probably come before her due date!” and such, but they don’t seem to understand that my body apparently doesn’t know what to do with babies. It’s blissfully unaware that it’s time to evict our little bundle and has no concept of what needs to be done.
It would be kind of neat to be sitting at home and suddenly have contractions or water break..but instead I have to schedule a baby and count down the hours until surgery.
One would think that would mean I’d be better prepared and not have her birthday on top of her sister’s, but I held out too long hoping my body would show signs of progress, and once it became clear that it was going nowhere all of the spots I’d be allowed to take (before due date) were gone. So she’s keeping her original due date. The first one, the one she was dated by in her first ultrasound, and the one she is scheduled to be delivered for. Who keeps the same exact due date for the entire pregnancy? Something tells me she’s going to be a punctual person. She’s going to say, “I’ll be there at 3” and she will always be there at 3.
I can’t wait to meet her. But I’m also terrified. Of delivering her, and of having a brand new person to learn again. But we’ll get through this scary part and it will all be magical soon.
Thank you Lord for letting me participate in this miracle, and may I be a good mother to her.
Oh my goodness she’s such a handful.
This morning Eric brought her down to the living room where we were sitting (I was working, Eric was watching a movie), and he didn’t go feed her right away because she wasn’t expressing a desire to eat just yet.
However, she disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a plate from her drawer, a spoon from our silverware drawer, and a half-eaten Blizzard that she pulled out of the freezer. She was just so nonchalant and cute, standing there holding her prize, ready for her father to help her eat ice cream for breakfast.
And would you believe he actually opened the Blizzard and was going to give it to her! But it was frozen solid, so couldn’t. I can’t believe that boy.
Later in the morning I moved to the kitchenette to work and Eric came through to go to the restroom. He was out of the living room maybe two minutes total, but upon his return he shouted to me, “Lisa.. come help!”
I ran in there, worried about what could have gone wrong.. He was frantically looking for something and Aria was standing there all innocent with her big beautiful eyes.
She had ejected a movie he had put in for her, and both it and the movie he had been watching earlier were missing. We asked her where she put them and she just stood there looking at us.
I tried talking in Aria-ish. “Aria.. where did the movies go?” Hands held out.
This time she held her hands out, then went over to the cabinet on the left and opened the door, where the sound system stuff was. I asked again, “Where are the movies? Where did they go?”
She turned to me, “doe?” then turned back to the sound system and started touching it and turning knobs and stuff.
I wanted to tell her not to touch that stuff, but something else told me she was actually showing me something. Eric was still wandering around the room looking in and under stuff, checking the movies in the movie cabinet to see if the discs were in there.
I started feeling around the sound system thing, and sure enough, underneath it was one of the movies.
After checking all around that side, we started looking at the other side, where the actual Playstation is. And there was the other movie, crammed underneath the Playstation.
So she had ejected the movie he had put in for her, tried to put in the other movie by cramming it under the Playstation, and when the TV didn’t automatically start playing it she had tried again on the other side with the second movie. All while Eric used the restroom, in under a couple of minutes.
We’re lucky she didn’t break the discs, but yesterday was the first time we had put a movie in for her in literally months, so I guess the moral of the story is to be super careful of what you do in front of her while she’s watching, because she’s clearly paying attention.
*I’ve been afraid to post this as I was sure something else would happen today, but now that she’s down for her nap I guess anything else she does today will get documented at a later time.*
I’m not exaggerating when I say that my little Aria never ceases to amaze me. I just can’t keep up with how quickly she’s growing up and what she’s capable of!
We had a magical moment the other night.
I wanted to create a song that was just hers. So while she was little bitty I started working on writing a song for her. Now it’s nothing fancy or complicated, but the hardest part of writing a song, or writing anything, is remembering what you wrote from one day to the next. I would forget a melody that I’d started the next time I went to sing it, or I’d forget what words I’d managed to put together that rhymed. So while the little ditty is very very simple and nothing special, since it’s not my profession it did take a little effort to make a song just for my little Aria.
But I’ve been singing it to her now for most of her life, as part of the rotation with the other lullabies.
So the other night I started singing it, and when I finished my little girl started singing it back to me.
It has a first part that says I love you, etc., then a second part that goes, “my Aria” a few times.
So she sang, “luff you.. Aria Aria” in her own way a few times.
It was just soooo precious! Only two people in the entire world know this song, and the other person actually knows it now 🙂 *heart melt*
Similarly, last night she became upset because it was getting late, she hadn’t had a nap so was a little crankier than usual, I needed to get her to bed so I myself could go to bed, and I had to call quits to bedtime antics. Although she hadn’t been actively participating in reading books and was more involved in running around like a crazy person and banging on her piano and whatnot, I called a halt to everything including books. She hates it when I say we’re done reading books and she’s not quite ready to be done reading. Again, she wasn’t even paying attention, but it’s the principle of it.
She started sobbing as I held her and turned off the lights, “books! books!”
I closed her door to a crack so it was nice and dark, went over to her crib and turned on the toy that projects stars onto the ceiling – Eric got this for her recently and it’s been amazing.
While she was still sobbing into my shoulder I started singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She quieted down a little tiny bit and I managed to get her attention and point to the stars on the ceiling. The crying started to abate. I sang through the song another time and by the end she was quiet and resting her head on my shoulder. I asked her, “do you want to sing with mommy?” and without any hesitation, she sat upright in my arms and joined in.
It was SOOOOO adorable. Anyone listening in would have had no idea we were singing the same song, but she did throw in the words Up and Star and pointed to the ceiling and sang something the entire time with me, but it was amazing nonetheless, with her adorable little voice lilting to her version of the song. *more heart melt*
After that she let me put her to bed without issue and was asleep really quickly. I think that was the first time we sang something together.
I’m having serious baby cravings.. I told my mom about this, but it’s getting worse. The first time it hit me was on the plane to the Sales Meeting last month, when a flight attendant walked by holding a probably 3 month old little girl, bragging about how she stole the baby. My first reaction was, “I can’t believe the mom let her take her baby” as she was still going about her duties, checking the overhead cabins and whatnot, while holding this little girl. My next thought was, “I want to hold the baby…”
Then for the rest of the flight I held my belly and felt my little one kick and squirm, and dreamed about finally getting to hold her.
Ever since, I’m just seriously impatient. I daydream often about holding her, cuddling her, snuggling her, looking at her.
I really want this baby.
And it doesn’t help that she constantly makes her presence known. It’s not enough, this giant belly that doesn’t allow me to bend forward and is so noticeably in the way for anything and everything I used to be able to do; no she has to also remind me that she’s ready to join the world by stretching herself out and pushing all my organs around. It’s funny that she’s found different places to push against than her sister did. She likes to push against my bladder and stick her feet out my right side, just below my ribs, as hard as she can. It kind of tickles when her feet are over there, because it’s softer, I guess with less muscle stuff going on over there. But the best is when she pushes down, against my side, and still manages to have something pushing out around my belly button, and also tickles my lower belly with her little hands, I guess, all at once. It feels like she’s going to push her way out through my belly.. I really do think she’s ready.
I know I am.
And after the discussion with one of the other doctors in the practice I see, I’m really not sure what’s going to happen. She gave me a little bit more and different information than the doctor I usually see, such as that I can’t really repeat what I did with Aria.. can’t wait and go a week late, can’t do induction via the pill like before.. and everything will have to be more careful because of the previous c-section. I didn’t realize that’s why they typically schedule c-sections a week before the due date, because of the increased stress on the uterine scar. I’m a little more nervous now, and starting to rethink the trying-to-go-natural approach. The only way I’ll be able to is if in the next couple of weeks I start to dilate.
My mom told me an OBG friend said the chances of something going wrong are very small, but “catastrophic” if they do. I repeated this to the doctor this morning and she sighed and said, “yeah, I’ve only seen it once..” My gut reaction was, I couldn’t believe she’d seen it even once! That makes it more real than just a statistic!
So I guess it’s still a wait and see game. If my body and baby decide to work together to get this moving, then maybe we can try and see. But if not, it looks like the healthiest thing for both of us is to just go with a c-section. I’ll just keep praying for patience and wait on whatever God’s plan for us may be.