I’m having serious baby cravings.. I told my mom about this, but it’s getting worse. The first time it hit me was on the plane to the Sales Meeting last month, when a flight attendant walked by holding a probably 3 month old little girl, bragging about how she stole the baby. My first reaction was, “I can’t believe the mom let her take her baby” as she was still going about her duties, checking the overhead cabins and whatnot, while holding this little girl. My next thought was, “I want to hold the baby…”

Then for the rest of the flight I held my belly and felt my little one kick and squirm, and dreamed about finally getting to hold her.

Ever since, I’m just seriously impatient. I daydream often about holding her, cuddling her, snuggling her, looking at her.

I really want this baby.

Like now.

Right now.

And it doesn’t help that she constantly makes her presence known. It’s not enough, this giant belly that doesn’t allow me to bend forward and is so noticeably in the way for anything and everything I used to be able to do; no she has to also remind me that she’s ready to join the world by stretching herself out and pushing all my organs around. It’s funny that she’s found different places to push against than her sister did. She likes to push against my bladder and stick her feet out my right side, just below my ribs, as hard as she can. It kind of tickles when her feet are over there, because it’s softer, I guess with less muscle stuff going on over there. But the best is when she pushes down, against my side, and still manages to have something pushing out around my belly button, and also tickles my lower belly with her little hands, I guess, all at once. It feels like she’s going to push her way out through my belly.. I really do think she’s ready.

I know I am.

And after the discussion with one of the other doctors in the practice I see, I’m really not sure what’s going to happen. She gave me a little bit more and different information than the doctor I usually see, such as that I can’t really repeat what I did with Aria.. can’t wait and go a week late, can’t do induction via the pill like before.. and everything will have to be more careful because of the previous c-section. I didn’t realize that’s why they typically schedule c-sections a week before the due date, because of the increased stress on the uterine scar. I’m a little more nervous now, and starting to rethink the trying-to-go-natural approach. The only way I’ll be able to is if in the next couple of weeks I start to dilate.

My mom told me an OBG friend said the chances of something going wrong are very small, but “catastrophic” if they do. I repeated this to the doctor this morning and she sighed and said, “yeah, I’ve only seen it once..” My gut reaction was, I couldn’t believe she’d seen it even once! That makes it more real than just a statistic!

So I guess it’s still a wait and see game. If my body and baby decide to work together to get this moving, then maybe we can try and see. But if not, it looks like the healthiest thing for both of us is to just go with a c-section. I’ll just keep praying for patience and wait on whatever God’s plan for us may be.

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