This is a little overdue, I started writing this back in October but never finished it:

Oh my little angel puff. It’s not like I didn’t love her immensely and unconditionally before, but now… I’m just falling so deeply in love with my little baby. I want to hold her and snuggle her and nuzzle her and cuddle her. I miss her when I’m not with her..

I remember when I fell for Aria. I thought nursing was what strengthened that mothery bond, but Avery can’t nurse and I’m still having the same heart wrenching experiences with her, when I give her a bottle. And then when she’s finished, if she doesn’t fall asleep, I get a couple enormous smiles and delicate coos.

And it’s different this time. With Aria, she was my little curious, noisy, active baby who blew past milestones before she was supposed to reach them. Avery is more reserved, and my heart breaks for her continuously because of all that we’re going through. Instead of motherly pride at her latest accomplishments, it’s joy that she was able to reach them and rooting for her to keep going when she doesn’t. It’s constantly working with her to help her thrive.

She’s just such a precious sweet baby, who is so easy to please. She only cries when she’s hungry, and even then she gives you lots of warning as she builds up to mad rage. But as soon as you pop that bottle in her mouth she’s content again. Although, she will help hold that bottle to her mouth to ensure it’s not going anywhere. I love how she holds onto your fingers and, when less hungry, will play around with pushing and pulling on them to move the bottle in and out of her mouth.

She’s just so patient, especially in the morning. I wake her up and change her diaper, get her bundled into her car seat, and there she has to wait. She sits snuggled in it while I first get Aria dressed, then packed up, then into the car, and finally Avery gets put into the car. Then she has to wait while we drop off Aria at daycare, and then head over to her grandparents house, and then you’d think finally she could be fed, but no, she still has to wait for a bottle to warm since I bring her milk for the day with us. She’s pretty used to not eating until a little after 8, because on days that I have her at home she goes through this routine minus going to the grandparents’, and she doesn’t give me much fuss until around 8:15 if I haven’t gotten her bottle into her mouth by that point.

While Aria and I used to go everywhere together, like shopping and to Bible study, etc., Avery and I have a different relationship. We go lots of places together, but they’re usually doctor’s offices. We have it down pretty well, now, though. If I make an appointment in the morning I try to make it for around 8 so that by the time we get there we’re still on time for her first bottle, and then we can do whatever we need to do.

When Aria takes an interest in her she calmly allows whatever antics Aria has prepared for her. Yesterday I found Aria “sitting” over the top of Avery (on her knees, not actually putting weight on Avery) on the floor, making Avery play patty cake. It was really adorable.

I think we might have finally overcome that hurdle of difficulty, that it’s going to be easier going forward. I’m not as worried about Avery surviving her sister, and figuring out what to do with both of them at the same time isn’t as hard as it once was, and now Avery’s taking an interest in the world around her so it’s pretty easy to let her just sit somewhere and watch what we’re doing. And someday I’ll be able to combine bathtime and mealtimes..

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Avery’s “where’s my bottle” look

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Avery holding onto her bottle (via my hand) with a death grip 🙂

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